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Sunday, January 30, 2005
shes_a_sprite @ 2:13 AM.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005 shes_a_sprite @ 3:11 PM.
I am sorry you are not feeling well. I used to get a lot of sinus infections from swimming, when I stopped swimming I never got another one. Wednesday, January 19, 2005 shes_a_sprite @ 9:20 PM.
Nothing like a sunrise to brighten the morning. Beautiful. shes_a_sprite @ 9:19 PM.
shes_a_sprite @ 9:18 PM.
Monday, January 17, 2005 shes_a_sprite @ 8:27 PM.
Thursday, January 13, 2005 shes_a_sprite @ 7:57 PM.
shes_a_sprite @ 1:04 PM.
drop by anytime dear! Monday, January 10, 2005 shes_a_sprite @ 7:41 PM.
Well my darling...Puppies can be naughty and still be ohhhh so cute. I am weary...I don't like the fact that he knows he was in the dog house, that just means he knows he did wrong but here are some expensive roses and a phone call to help you remember how cute I am. Then when he thinks you have forgotten he does the same behavior. Tuesday, January 04, 2005 shes_a_sprite @ 1:57 PM.
Good for you, we all need some time to ourselves, and what a great way to do it. Hang in there darling. :) Saturday, January 01, 2005 shes_a_sprite @ 11:36 PM.
Sick~
Life is just not very fun right now, I am sick as a dog... struggling with my school work, not wanting to be at work, and single when I should by alrights not be... Not that anyone wants to read my little pity party, and is probably way magnified by the fact that I should be at home in bed rather than sitting at my desk at work...
I went to the doctors, AGAIN, and I have sinusitus, and fluid behind my right ear drum AND I still have that same kidney infection (bastard just won't quit!) Two perscriptions later I still feel like crap! Doc said to take the next couple of days off... Off, what is that? I can't even leave today, let alone take more than one day off.
Okay well I am done feeling sorry for myself. (at least outloud, I will feel sorry for myself until I find my way to my bed, with my teacup chihuahua, and my down blanket, and my feather pillow, and my flannel jammies) :) Just the thought gives me warm fuzzies... oh wait that is just my fever.
Rachel said...
I hope this kidney infection gets nipped in the bud real soon. *hug* I hope you feel better and get to snuggle in your warm bed soon.
sunrise, on my way to work...
I took this on my way to work one morning! 
Rachel said...
sunrise
I think this one is my favorite!
country roads
I just love how you can see the fence in this one!
Ripples
Okay so I have been doing a lot of thinking lately!
I have some pretty profound thoughts I would like to share. I believe that when we interact with people, (no I do not mean passing them on the street, but when we get to know them,) even if for only a brief period of time, they have a lasting effect on our lives~ Think, if you will of a pond, calm across the surface, a drop of water falls into the pond, and creates ripples right? The ripples are the most pronounced when closest to the point of entry, but they do not go away, they continue to grow in size, and though further from the center they are still noticeable.
Now picture yourself as the pond, and the people we meet as the drops of water. The more we interact with them, the more ripples they cause, having a lasting affect on our lives, the surface forever changed for their presence. When they are with us, the ripples are pronounced, yet when they leave, as they inevitably will, years down the road, we remember some little trick they taught us, or some pain we went through with them, or because of them, a love that was created with them, trouble they helped us through, or trouble we helped them through, and we know that we are better people for the ripples they caused.
You must remember that while your life is going on, you too are creating ripples in other people’s lives. You may not know the extent of one kindness you share. A smile is contagious, pass it along. Take care to remember the people that have affected you. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that which does not kill me makes me stronger, these are words of strength that were passed along to me, and though they seem common, they strike deep within my heart.
It is times like these that I call upon those words to give me strength. And lean on those people who put sooooo many ripples in my life. I am thankful for my friends, and hope that they realize just how much I love them.
"Desolate Heart"
It is cold and it is dark,
Emptiness that fills my soul
Void of everything but heartache
Fear that I will never feel that way again
It is damp and it is frightening
Acidic churning in my stomach
Left feeling more alone than I could have imagined
A darkness blacker than a tomb.
It is silent and it is deafening
Terror over whelms my heart
I wake with a scream lodged in my throat
But no sound emerges, tears roll down my cheeks
They are hot, and they sting
Purging pain that is my very being
I am alone, and I am scared
As darkness swallows my heart once more.
This is the sound of my heart breaking
This is the echo of that pain aching
This was a love that captured my soul
that was the last of my humanity, he stole.
...
I love him, so I let him go.
"Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it. "
~ Rabindranath Tagore
My heart hurts.
shes_a_sprite said...
Trouble in Paridise...
Okay so he must have known he was in the dog house, becuase he sent a dozen long stem red roses, wired and dipped in wax, to me at work. Then he did come see me Saturday night but it still felt abit distant. I am trying to be patient, but I am not a very patient person. I am also trying to play it a bit cool, and let him do some of the leg work. em kay, we shall see how well this works. Ladies, I know you have had this thought, "he would be the perfect man if..." you fill in the rest. Well, I am not stupid. I know there is no such thing as the perfect man. But I also know that there has to be someone out there that is not a complete dick head. (Hey Bonnie B. Is dick on our list of words not to say?) Anyhow, he is at least astute enough to figure out when he is in the dog house. He does seem to persieve when he has hurt my feelings, and apologizes for it, but then he does nothing to fix the behavior that caused the feelings to be hurt in the first place. Simply put I feel neglected. I mean he calls me 80 times a day, but we don't spend much time together, he always has more important things to do. Well I am about to the limit of being patient, and just when I think I have had enough, he goes and does something completly sweet and romantic, and I think, well maybe I am over reacting a bit. Or perhaps that is just my jaded heart jumping to conclusions. SO I give it another couple of days.
I am really excited about this weekend. I am going with Bonnie and Larry to the celtic festival in Orlando! Yeah, I am a nut for anything Irish or Scotch... I simply can't wait. Let the games begin. It is going to be a long day I know, I don't even get off work till b/w 2 or 3 am Friday night, but hey at least I don't have to work until 6 am like someone else I know! It should be a fun and bonding experience for the three of us!
School has started, and I like school, I am such a nerd. I am taking Statistics for Engineers (a new requirement for psychology majors???) and Psychology of Behavioral Analysis. The subjects are challenging, and the teachers, though both odd in their own right, seem to be compitant. I have tons of homework already. Yeah... I honestly would get bored with myself if I didn't go to school.
I have managed to find time to go to the pool, and somehow got suckered into joining the fitness center. It is going to cost me only 46 dollars a month (about the cost of getting my nails done, which I have cut out of my budget) and I feel great. The first time I went, I swam 68 laps, that is one mile in 45 minutes. The second time I went I swam another mile, but I cut my time back by 5 minutes, and I only stopped twice for 1 minute intervalls. I have pretty much been sticking to my eating healthy plan. I have eaten out a couple of times, but other than that I stick pretty much to what is good for me. I have drank nothing but water (with the exception of coffee in the morning, which really can't be considered a drink, but more of a drug) for days...
Well I betta get back to work....
Rachel said...
Now first of all men, don't get your boxers in a ruffle, I am not compairing all of you men at there to dogs, I am merely just trying to proove a point and I am doing it in the extreme way.
I know you know you can't change them, because you are a psychology major (which I just found out). It is up to him to change, it is up to you to express what is on your mind and what you feel inside.
I am not a game player, but tun off your phone for a day and see what happens. ;)
*hugs*
blog
Well I am headed to the pool tonight! Yeah, finally some peace for me. There is nothing like glideing through the water, getting into the rythym of your stroke, feeling the water softly slap against your hands and feet as you propel yourself through the cool crisp calm of the pool, getting near the end, flip, and push off the wall, the power from your muscles is the only thing keeping you going. I simply cannot wait! No conversation to try to keep up with, just time to think, reflect, or completely zone out and just concentrate on swimming!
As some of you know this also means that the man I am seeing has once again decided his life is too busy to share his time with me tonight. But tonight I am relieved, as I would much rather be in the pool than in his arms. I simply need time for me! It has been 13 days since I last spent time with him socially. Yes and our 8 week mark was only yesterday. I am trying to be patient, because he does make me so very happy when we are together. My friend has been through a very similar situation, and she is very happy now as well, but I can see what all she has had to go through, and though the ultimate benifits are worth it, it is a long hard road ahoe, and I don't know if I am as strong as she. I am slightly depressed about it I think. Oh well, life goes on!
As far as New Years resolutions go, I have vowed to get back into the pool, which I am keeping. I have vowed to start eating healthy again. I should not have a problem with this either, it was just a matter of not having anything at my mom's house to take for lunch. As most know, I am a huge fresh veggie eater. I am also going to try and clean up my language some. I feel that a person is only as classy as the present themselves, and profanity just is not very classy. And finally, I am going to drink more water. This is really just an extinuation of my eating Healthy plan, but I wanted to not it, because it is a hard thing to do. Oh and the big one, I am once again trying to quit... yes folks, I slipped up about two weeks ago, and have been steadily smoking ever since... I did pretty good yesterday, and I have every intention of quitting... but it is an addiction and it is very hard. I have the patch, and hopefully I will start tomorrow a brand new day. Yesterday I had none until about 10:30... I think the patch ran out or something... and I worked 15 hours, and just grrrrr..... and that was it, i gave in... no excuses, I was weak. I will beat it, though!
Well that is about all for me, as I just don't want to get any further detail on the whole guy situation... It is like opening a black hole, that I just don't want to get sucked into right now.
TTFN and hope everyone had a very Happy New Year!
Rachel said...
Again I Ponder
Once again I find myself watching the movie, Everafter, pondering what it is that is so terribly hard about relationships. Why is it that men are so very different? I simply do not understand them! After five years of being a cold hearted biotch, I have finally let someone in, or perhaps he just broke in on his own, I have yet to figure that out. He is a good man, but so very aggravating. I now remember why it is that I shut them out to begin with. It has been only a short while, but already I find myself falling, and the very first thing he does, as soon as I let my guard down, is hurt me. I have cried over a man for a the first time since "He who shall never be named."
He does thoughtful things, don't get me wrong, he got my windows tinted for Christmas. He put a lot of thought into it too. When we are together, it is like we are the only two people on this earth. He calls me everynight, and keeps me on the telly for hours... (I have never been much one to just hang on the phone.) When I am with him, it is obvious that I am the focal point of all of his attention. But when we are not together, he can be such a typical man! He is a very funny guy, but sometimes he says things without thinking about how it is going to sound, and it is hurtful. And we are both very busy people, but he just seems to be too busy. I have not seen him since the Thursday before Christmas. Then we make plans, and he promptly backs out. Something about having to help his father with one of his jobs. It would not have been such a big issue, but he left me wondering until 1500. Then tried to play dumb and say we didn't have plans... Oh good lord I was PISSED!
Prime example of speaking before thinking. Then he had to spend New Years with his family, understandable, but he said he would call me at Midnight, so I waited, and waited, and guess what, yeah waited somemore! It really stung a little, because new years is a time when you are supposed to share warm wishes with those you care about. He just doesn't think before he acts, or speaks for that matter.
What bothers me so about the whole ordeal, is that he actually gets to me. If he were anyone else, I would have kicked him to the curb. I care about him, I would venture to say I am falling for him, if I haven't already fallen. He did apologize and it was a good apology, and we then had a really long talk, again. I told him that I am willing to give this every effort to make it work, but that he also has to give it an effort. I find myself in a percarious situation. He makes me so happy as far as relationships go, I feel things that I did not ever think I would feel again, but with that happieness comes a certian amount of pain. I do not like the pain part, but I must say that it is worth it, to see him smile when he looks into my eyes, to hear his heart beat when I lie my head on his chest, and to hear him laugh, makes my heart soar.
So I ponder, if love is so happy, why does it hurt so? Why is it always those who we let in that hurt us the most? Why is it that men never follow through with what they say. Is there a man that is trustworthy out there? A man worth Loving? I slip away to the comfort of my Fairytale, and think that perhaps there is some hope.
end rant/
The house has finally come together. We have our furniture, and pretty much everything is put away. The kitchen was the first to come together, but I just hung the curtains (by muh self) tonight. I had to find a curtain rod that would fit a 23" window.... (yes I did the girl thing, I was upset so I went shopping, but not to the mall as usual, I went to Lowes, the man mall... perhaps to help understand men, but perhaps just because I needed some hardware) We just need to hang the pictures in the living room now.
We are having dinner company tomorrow, Mom, and Gail and her children. Yeah, we are having Larry's famous Fettuchini Alfredo, Garlic Bread, and Salads...
Well all, this will have to do for now, as I am tired of thinking... I cannot wait until we get our DSL should be sometime this week... Until then, takecare all!
About me
Name : Heather
Age : 25
School : UF
Location: Gainesville, FL
About Me:
Just a woman trying to find her way.
These are the innermost thoughts of me,
who am I? Just read and see.
If I stir in you, any emotion at all,
then I have reached my goal.
Forever me...
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